Would rather die.

I'm exhausted, I just want to lay down and die. I would rather just wither way in two minutes like the wicked witch of the west who got doused in water. I feel like my heart is breaking. It is tight and feels like its withering away too. Why is life so fucking hard. I am so unhappy I don't think I can even function at work anymore. I can't even make an effort because I am so physically and mentally exhausted. I came home this morning after a night shift and he's got some list of a plan for the next year. Why is he doing this now? Probably he has the feeling that I am done. I am so sad. How did I get to this place? I just don't think I want to go through with the plan. Change the mortage to lower payments so as to pay down the credit card debt? Plan on penalty IF we sell the real estate. He gets a second job. He thinks if he works part time that he'll be able to make enough to pay for the mortgage, strata and pay for his credit card? That would not be enough money. Then also put away money for 3 holidays for the year? This is just grasping at straws. Right now the market is flooded with condo's. We'll be lucky if we even sell it. I feel like I'm way in over my head and I just want out. This is never going to change and its just a bandaid to bide some time. I just don't know why he's making this effort now? Last minute? This is always the pattern of him. Talk talk talk, no motivation, me moping, then him with a "plan" and then debt debt debt, shuffling money here to there, to here but not paying anything down. No savings for retirement. Is this all there is? Well it fucking sucks. I hate myself, I hate my life.