I think the beginning of the end was in 2006 when we had friends stay over and my boyfriend had left his computer open for them to use. I didn't trust him anyway so I went snooping through his email to find something, any sort of evidence that confirmed my rational for being insecure. And I found it, emails in his drafts that were between him and some girl. Nothing saying anything about me, his girlfriend or the house we bought or anything. I went cold, all the blood drained out of my body and my head started to spin. The friends who had been staying with us came into the room and said whats wrong? The could tell by the look on my face. There were lots of emails. I can't even remember what they said but I started to print them off. I called him at work and said it was over. I'm done. In my heart I had been betrayed. He rushed home I guess and our friends took off, not wanting to see the fall out I'm sure. He said it was nothing, some girl from Sweden. Why are you talking to her? Why not talk to me? Why didn't you tell me you were talking to her? why did you save her emails? My heart was now black. It was over for me. I was guarded now. I thought everything had been great. Mind you, whenever I wanted people over for dinner on the weekend, we would be chatting after dinner and he would be getting changed and I would ask "where are you going?" Out he'd say. Why we have company? Well I want to go to the bar. WTF for? We have people over. Well I'm going out. He was a selfish prick. I wanted to sell the house and part ways. He said he felt tied down. Wanted to leave town, go travelling. Yet, he never had money, always borrowed off me. Put a lean on my vehicle for what he said was "student loans" he was terrible with money. And he wanted to be a financial planner. Big dreams. Champagne taste on a beer budget. So we sold the house, paid down all the bills that had gotten wracked up over the year and moved in with my mother. He said "this will be great, we can save up and go travelling." Which we did but I wasn't going to live with my crazy mother for years. Fuck that. The whole time I was trying to figure out how to get out of this mess of a "relationship" with him. He did nothing to try to build back the trust, he would just turn it around on me. So while we were travelling in Costa Rica he proposed. He did it in a weird way by asking some stupid senario question and I said "No, that would be for all the wrong reasons." But he did it anyways. As per usual, he did what he wanted to do, taking me into some cheap jewelry store and told me to pick out a ring. I had thought, he didn't hear a word I said. Finally I picked out a ring, later finding out it was a CZ and 40 bucks USdollars. Later he also told me he thought I was going to break up with him and so he proposed. NOT the way I wanted that to play out. Once we got back we started looking at something to buy in realestate. I had promised myself after buying the house I would never buy anything with him again because I didnt' want our names on anything together that would effect my credit and here I was going back on the promise to myself. So what I decided to do was to get something under a certain value of dollars that I could afford on my own incase he didn't have a job. Hmmmm RED FLAG! I was already protecting myself. Eventually he goes with this Finacial planning group and starts "working" well when your self employed it really means unemployed. So now I am paying for his half of the mortgage, the payments on the car that he has secured on my vehicle that I don't drive and his credit card payments. And he says to me "baby, just wait, soon I will be able to take care of you and you'll only have to work part time" ya right while you put me and you in the poor house or bankrupt. So then he wants to take the downpayment I have put on the condo out to help pay the bills to make it "easier on me" As I am stressed to the MAX! Ya thanks! FUCKER. So we go that route for about a year, he starts asking my mom for money... without me knowing. Or my mom telling me! Then he wants to refinace the mortgage again. I put my foot down. No way. But what do I do, I go talk to my mortgage broker and he lays it out for me. You can't do this. It's not a good idea. You need to get out. Me all the while wanting to believe in what my fiance is saying but in my heart knowing it feels wrong. I decide to say no. So now he hates the mortgage broker and thinks he's an idot and an asshole and how could he do that? I guess it was visible at work of my stress because my Manager came up to me and asked me if I was ok. I broke down, absolutedly lost it, crying etc. told her the situation and she suggested going and seeing a councillor. Over the course of 3 months I went to talk for an hour to a councillor. By the end of it she told me we were two different kinds of people and that no matter how much we loved each other eventually the differences will be to great to overcome. And she straight out asked me if I was afraid of him and I said no. I know how it works. She said for some reason you are holding back. You obviously want to leave but you can't for some reason.
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